
It was just another Saturday night some years ago. Back then, I frequented a little hip-hop joint. I definitely did not fit into the hip-hop culture. In fact, I fit more into the redneck demographic, but that hip-hop club was the closest bar to where I lived. At that time, bar proximity was a prime consideration for me and my drinking. If I got too drunk to drive, I could still walk home.
On this particular night, I was sitting innocently at the island bar, watching the ice dissolve in my rum & coke. Not much was going on in the place as it was still early, maybe 9:00pm. Across the bar, there were two ladies. They seemed to be celebrating something. They were talking loudly, laughing, and drinking shots.
After 15 minutes of this type of activity, the two ladies noticed me. They gestured for me to join them. Being socially awkward, I ignored them. Then one of the ladies walked around the bar and asked that I join them. I decided to join them for a drink or two.
I talked primarily to Jill. She was a cute blonde with a little extra weight, but I liked the way she looked. Jill’s friend Sharon was a knockout, slim with dark hair, similar to Kristen Davis of Sex and the City fame. I thought Sharon looked familiar, but I couldn’t place when/where I had met her before. Sharon didn’t talk much with me, but I didn’t care. Jill seemed to be interested in me. Things were going well.
The night moved on. The club started to get crowded. Jill, Sharon and I drank and danced. Then we drank and danced some more. I noticed Sharon was being approached by many men, but none of them stuck around for long. I couldn’t hear what Sharon said to them. I didn’t care. I was having fun with Jill.
When walking away from us, some of the guys that had approached Sharon would say something to me like, “
She’s crazy, man!” or “
Be careful, dude!” A couple of these guys wanted to pick a fight with me. They would say stuff like, “
You should keep your friends in line!”, or “
You’ll pay for what your friend said to me!”. I didn’t care. I was having fun with Jill, and I was getting drunk.
Jill went to the ladies room, and I sat next to Sharon. We talked a little, mostly about Jill. A guy approached Sharon. Sharon said, “
I’ve got a gun in my purse, and if you don’t leave me alone, I’ll use it.” I realized that this was what Sharon had been saying to all the guys that had approached her earlier. I still didn’t care. I was having fun with Jill, and I was definitely drunk.
Jill came back. We drank some more. We danced some more. More guys approached Sharon, but none of them stuck around.
Around 1am, Jill and Sharon wanted to go to another bar. They said they were too drunk to drive, and asked if I could drive. I knew the bar that they wanted to go to. It was close by. It would be quiet. There would be fewer people there. I could talk to Jill. I said yes.
We arrived at this other bar. Guys approached Sharon. Sharon used the “
I’ve got a gun” line. The guys would leave. I didn’t care. I was talking with Jill.
Closing time arrived, and Jill and Sharon asked if I could drive them home. Again, they said they were too drunk to drive. I could spend more time with Jill. Maybe I could get lucky. I said yes.
We jumped into my old car. Jill sat in the passenger seat, and we continued our discussions from the bar. Sharon sat in the back.
After getting in the car, Jill and Sharon told me that they wanted me to drive them to a house in a town 20 miles southeast of where we were. I was a little troubled by this revelation, as I was expecting a quick drive to a nearby house or apartment. But this irritation soon faded away, as it was becoming clear (even to my rum & coke soaked brain) that Jill wanted more from me than just talk. I got on the road and headed towards their house.
Shortly before we got to the town that they told me to drive toward, Jill asked that I turn onto a side road. Their house was on this road, she explained. After we had traveled down this road about five miles, Jill said that I should turn around as I had driven past their house. I thought, “
This is strange, don’t they know which house is theirs?”
After driving a couple miles back the other direction, Jill again asked that I turn around as I had driven past their house again. I was puzzled. Then, from the back seat, I heard Sharon open her purse. I recalled her “
I’ve got a gun in my purse” statements and I started to sweat bullets. My head cleared from the drunken fog. I thought I was going to die on this backroad 20 miles from my home. Shot in the back of the head by a crazy lady. Body dumped in a cornfield. I thought about my parents, and about what a waste my life had been up to that moment.
Just as I was going to start begging for my life, Jill said, “
Here’s our house, turn here!” I turned onto the driveway. Jill and Sharon got out of the car. I was relieved. Just as I was going to turn around and head for home, Jill walked around to the driver’s side window and asked if I wanted to come inside. The clarity that I had just experienced faded away. I could still be with Jill. I could still get lucky. I said yes.
We went inside the house. Sharon immediately went down a hallway and disappeared. Jill and I went to the kitchen and got some beers. We talked. We kissed. Jill told me we should go to a bedroom and that we needed to be quiet. I didn’t ask any questions like – “
Who owns this house?” or “
Why do we need to be quiet?”
We went to a bedroom. We talked some more. We kissed some more. We started to take off our clothes. Jill told me that I needed to know some things about her before we went any further.
First, she told me that she had two children. After talking with her for most of the evening, I had caught some hints which indicated she was a mom. This was not a surprise, and in my impaired condition, it wasn’t a consideration. I continued to take off my clothes. Then she said, “
I’m still married.”
At that very moment, I heard a man’s voice yell out, “
Who the hell’s car is in the driveway!”
The clarity that I had experienced earlier came back. I grabbed my shoes and shirt, pulled up my pants, and bolted for the door. I rushed down the hall, and turned a corner into the living room.
Standing there, clad only in boxer briefs, stood a large tattooed man with a shaved head blocking the exit.
I stopped. I didn’t know what to say. I stood there silent for a moment and then said, “
Hiya.”
Just as this man was considering what to do about my presence in his home, Sharon appeared out of nowhere and started screaming at the big guy. With the big guy distracted, I slipped past him and out the door. I ran to my car. I got in and started the engine. As I was about to back out of the driveway, Jill ran to my car and said, “
Wait. Don’t go. I can explain.”
I didn’t wait for an explanation. I backed out of the driveway, and sped away towards home. Finally, I had made a good decision.
The next day, I examined the back seat of my car. There was a cigarette butt and a small burn mark on the seat. That explained why Sharon had opened her purse during the drive to her house. At some point during the next few weeks, I remembered when/where I had met Sharon. It was during another night of drinking at the hip-hop club a couple years earlier. Maybe I’ll write about that encounter another time.
Remember kids, don’t drink and drive. It is a foolish thing to do. Take it from an old fool.